Headcanon that McGonagall is offended on a personal level that Umbridge loves cats.
This literally got 600 more notes just while I was at dinner what the fuck
How has nobody thought about this before tbh
Ok but imagine McGonagall in cat form prowling around the castle, in strategically chosen places so that Umbridge will come across her.
Umbridge takes the cat back to her office and feeds it a little saucer of milk. The cat starts coming back to Umbridge’s office around the same time every night, until eventually Umbridge gets into a little routine of setting out a saucer of milk for the cat before bed.
McGonagall now has all the best secrets on Umbridge, all of the results of the evaluations, and most importantly, is in a perfect position to spy on the ministry for the Order of the Phoenix.
All because Umbridge is obsessed with cats.
Tag: harry potter
CNN actually researched how much it would cost to go to Hogwarts
How exactly did they “research” this? Looks like they just pulled a bunch of random figures out of their butts.
It’s stated in the books that tuition to Hogwarts is “free for all children in Britain”. I don’t know why they thought it wouldn’t be – it’s a British high school, not a college. So there, you just saved yourself $42,024.
In Chamber of Secrets, Mrs. Weasley emptied her entire bank account which contained only two galleons [£10 / US$20] and she managed to buy all five children’s entire set of books and potion ingredients with this, as well as Ginny’s robes, hat, clock, cauldron, and wand!!! And we know she bought all of these as she mentioned having to buy them. The fact that she bought all of these with only £10 pretty much proves how absolutely ridiculous CNNs estimation is.
If you want more proof, the actual cost of Harry’s want is far over estimated here, and the exact price in both pounds as US dollars can easily be found right within the books! Harry’s wand is bought for seven galleons, a galleon being worth about five pounds [mentioned by JK Rowling in an interview and in FBAWTFT/QTTA] means that his wand was £35, or US$53. So there’s some straight-out-of-the-books-and-word-of-god proof that the figures CNN have given are way off the mark. Not to mention the fact that even if you don’t go to Hogwarts, as a magical human you’re gonna have to buy a wand anyway if you want to do magic.
As for the school books, I’ve done an approximation based on various prices given through-out the books and on Pottermore. While these prices involve a substantial amount of guess-work, I think you’ll agree that my calculation is far more accurate than CNNs:
The Standard book of Spells costs one sickle [29p / US59c]. On the back of my comic relief copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them it says it costs fourteen sickles [£4.60 / US$8.26]. One Pottermore, all text books are one galleon [£4.97 / US$10.17] – however Pottermore currency only uses galleons so it’s likely they have rounded off. Lockhart’s books, the most expensive in the series, are five galleons on Pottermore meaning that the exchange rate in the books puts them around two galleons and fourteen sickles [£14.60 / US$20.80]. If we put a high average on this and assume that all textbooks are approximately a galleon [they are likely much less], and that each year has around seven required reading books, the entire price for seven years worth of books would be forty-nine galleons, which equals approximately £243, or US$367 – and remember, this is the maximum estimated price for the textbooks.
For the minimum, we need to consider that the Weasleys get a lot of things second hand, with Ginny’s copy of A Begginers Guide To Transfiguration being described as “a very old, very battered copy” – likely no more than five sickles. If they got all their books around that price, it would cost them no more than £14 / US$21 for the entire seven years worth! So school books, far from being US$516, fall somewhere between US$14 and US$367 for the entire seven years at Hogwarts.
Next we have robe, glove, cloak, and hat prices – these are never mentioned in the books or on Pottermore, so I can’t account for that. However I seriously doubt it’s as a high as they’ve got here. Considering books in the wizarding world are generally much cheaper than in the muggle world, I think it’s fairly safe to assume that clothing is as well. Likely a maximum of a galleon for a single set of robes.
They’ve also forgotten a huge number of things – cauldrons, potion ingredients, scales, and star charts, among others.
So yeah, I really don’t know where they came up with these figures. It looks like some guy just wanted to make a story about how expensive Hogwarts would be and put a bunch of American college figures together and thought “yeah, this looks good.”
The Harry Potter fandom doesn’t fuck around
Get your shit together CNN and stick to current events
THEY’RE SUCH BULLSHITTERS OMG
harry potter fandom telling it how it is
Americans trying to reassure themselves that it’s ok to charge students more for normal education than Britain charges for magical education.
I
Albus Severus Potter starts Herbology at Hogwarts
“Hey Professor Longbottom; My father says I was named after the bravest man he ever knew, did you know-”
“Well, It’s nice to meet you, Neville Potter”
“Actually, it’s-”
“It’s Neville. Your name is Neville”
Harry Potter Character Asks
Harry Potter: Tell us about a scar on your body
Hermione Granger: What is your favorite book, how many times have you read it, and why do you love it?
Ron Weasley: Something you’re afraid of?
Luna Lovegood: One thing that makes you different from everyone else.
Fred Weasley: Can you do any magic tricks? What is the best one you can do? If you can’t do any, what’s the best one you’ve seen?
George Weasley: What is the best prank you’ve ever played on someone?
Neville Longbottom: Tell us an embarrassing story.
Narcissa Malfoy: Do you have a good relationship with your family? Who are you closest to?
Voldemort: If you were to create a Horcrux(s), what would it be and why?
Bellatrix Lestrange: Have you ever loved someone who could never love you back?
Ginny Weasley: Have you ever been in love with an unexpected person?
Hedwig: If you went to Hogwarts, what kind of pet would you bring? (ex: cat, owl, rat, frog)
Draco Malfoy: Is it better to be feared or to be loved?
Rubeus Hagrid: What is your favorite mystical creature?
Dolores Umbridge: Make a list of rules that your family (or whoever you choose) would have to follow if you made the rules.
Lucius Malfoy: What is your most prized possession?
Molly Weasley: What is the proudest moment of your life?
Dobby: Who are you most loyal to?
Sirius Black: Have you ever been accused of doing something you didn’t do?
Argus Filch: What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
Dudley Dursley: How many presents do you usually receive on your birthday?
Peter Pettigrew: Are you a leader or a follower?
Cedric Diggory: Have you ever had a near death experience?
Albus Dumbledore: What is the greatest obstacle you have ever overcome in your life?
Minerva McGonagall: What is your favorite spell?
Severus Snape: Are you a trustworthy person?
Remus Lupin: If you transform into any one animal or creature, which one would it be?
Uncle Vernon: What is your favorite day of the week?
Mad Eye Moody: Who is the bravest person you know?
Arthur Weasley: What do you think is the best “muggle” invention?
Professor Sprout: What is your favourite class that is offered at Hogwarts?
Nymphadora Tonks: If you could change one thing about your appearance what would it be?
Moaning Mertile: What is something that always makes you cry?
James Potter: Would you risk your life to save someone you truly love?
Lily Potter: What color eyes do you have?
Professor Trelawney: Have you ever dreamt something was going to happen and then it happened?
Mr. Ollivander: What would your wand look like?
Lavender Brown: Who is the last person who texted and have you ever had a crush on them?
Cho Chang: If you were on the Quidditch team, what position would you play?
Aunt Petunia: What is your favorite flower?
Harry: There’s this giant black dog that’s been following me.
Lupin: Wow, that sounds pretty sirius.
“YOU CAN’T CANCEL QUIDDITCH”
“wood there’s people that are dying”
When you put hot water or milk in it, it turns white with the mischief managed and then that fades away as it cools down.
Need.
Do want.
JK Rowling’s new series from Voldemort’s point of view.
I would read these
I have so many questions and headcanons about the internet and the wizarding world.
No, listen.
Headcanon that muggles are catching wizards and witches doing magic and uploading it to vine and youtube. It doesn’t matter what the obliviators do because even if they erase the muggle’s memory the whole damn thing is on the internet. The Ministry doesn’t have a clue how to manage the situation, nobody knows what the internet is, so Kingsley drags in a muggleborn and they have to explain to him about doge and lolcatz and Facebook and Kingsley’s like, ‘Wat.’
To try and stop leaks the Ministry sets up a squad of witches and wizards whose sole job is to monitor the internet for pictures, videos and photos of anyone doing magic. Somebody has to make awkward arrangements to try and get internet installed in the Ministry. Somebody has to spend hours on the phone to the cable company and gets really frustrated when they get put on hold for ten hours.
The new team spend all day watching youtube videos and vines and it’s the best job ever for anybody who’s muggleborn. One team members learns how to code and hack muggle websites to they can remove any videos that breach the statute of secrecy; a whole new branch of magic is invented when someone finds a way to use magic to manipulate the internet. The job itself can be pretty boring. Days can go by with nothing happening and then somebody will shout, ‘Fuck sake somebody in Liverpool just uploaded a vine of somebody on a broomstick to the music of hocus pocus’ and they all have to run. If the team can’t get a video removed from the internet they spend a lot of time and energy trolling the comment section of Youtube making points about how the video is obviously bullshit to try and put doubt in the minds of muggles. Some ministry workers start writing clickbait artiles for Buzzfeed called, ‘Ten reasons why that ‘Dragons exist’ video is problematic’ or ‘Everyone on the internet belives this ten year old kid can do magic and it’s hilarious’. Some ministry workers spend hours on Reddit, Twitter and Facebook writing snarky comments about how the vines about magic are wrong and made up. It becomes a legitimate career move for a witch or wizard to spend hours on the internet.
So yeah.
I have a lot of questions.
I was actually thinking about wizards and Internet yesterday afternoon; what if, once they figured out how it worked and understood how to manipulate it, they set up a sort of wizards-only DarkNet? there would be websites for people developing new spells, there could be social networks so that there would be communication between international wizarding communities, there could be a whole Knockturn Alley-type subset of sites for buying and selling shady magical artifacts.
a kid at hogwarts who just wants to get a proper education but can’t focus because of all of the shit harry potter and his friends keep getting themselves into
Jenna B. Lacey, age eleven, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life.
She was going to go to Hogwarts, get top grades, and be the youngest female Minister of Magic by age 35.
It would have been a good plan, if she hadn’t been in the same year as Harry Potter.
* * *
Year one started out great. She was sorted into Hufflepuff, did well in all her classes, and aced the exams.
A troll smashed its way through the study room she was in on Halloween, but that wasn’t going to deter her.
* * *
Year two was a disaster. People were getting petrified, and worse—the teachers had to herd them from place to place, which severely cut down on her library time. She had to study in the common room, which meant instead of a nice, quiet atmosphere, she got a soundtrack of nervous Hufflepuffs.
And on top of that, exams were cancelled. It was a disaster.
* * *
Third year, she started to notice a trend.
First the troll, than the petrifications, and now dementor guards and escaped convicts. What did they all have in common? Potter.
After Black broke in and everyone had to spend the night in the Great Hall, interrupting Jenna’s last minute studying for a test the next day, she took to giving Potter angry looks in every class.
He did not notice.
* * *
They announced the Triwizard tournament at dinner the first night of fourth year, and Jenna almost started crying.
Potter was going to take this one over. She just knew it.
And she was right.
Voldemort rose at the end of the year. She honestly didn’t know what she had expected.
* * *
Fifth year brought Umbridge. She joined the DA because she was going to need a better background in defense, but that didn’t mean she was any happier about Potter.
She imagined it was him she was hexing instead of Zachariah Smith.
But, by the end of the year, focus on her studies was impossible. After Dumbledore left, it was complete anarchy.
Potter’s fault. Of course.
* * *
Sixth year she started volunteering in the hospital wing. She needed a backup plan in case Potter fucked it up.
All seemed quiet, until they brought Malfoy in. It was apparently Potter’s fault, which surprised everyone except Jenna.
Later, she was peacefully studying in a little nook on the third floor when some Death Eaters and some other adults started dueling right under her nose.
This was the worst fucking school, honestly.
* * *
They were calling it “The Final Battle.”
Jenna ran through the hall, dodging in and out of the children evacuating, until she saw him.
“POTTER.”
He turned, startled. “Um—Jenna, right? We’re sort of busy—”
She grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him up until he was eye level with her. “If I’m not Minister of Magic by age 35, it is going to be entirely your fault and I’m going to hurt you.”
She dropped him and stormed away, leaving him to whatever he was doing. She had to fight this goddamn war so she could go back to her fucking studying.
* * *
She became Minister of Magic at age 36.
Fucking Potter.
I think I just found the best Harry Potter fanfic
CaptainBubblebath 