advicefromsurvivors:

takamesh:

trapqueenkoopa:

shadywinters:

advicefromsurvivors:

When your child says “Why can’t I get a puppy?”

Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules”

Try “Any pet is a lot of responsibility. A puppy would have to be fed, walked, and taken outside to use the bathroom several times a day and taken for regular check-ups and vaccinations at the vet. You can’t do all of that by yourself, and I/we don’t have the time or money either.”

When your teenager says “Why can’t I come home at 2:00 this Saturday?”

Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules!”

Try “The time you come home is a matter of respect and consideration. I/We will not only be concerned for your safety, but we would either be disturbed in the middle of the night when you arrive or forced to stay up for several extra hours waiting.”

When your child says “Why am I not allowed to do this thing?”

Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules!”

Try actually communicating a legitimate reason, because children pick up on subtlety and on context and on the unspoken messages, and it’s better to teach children lessons like “You should think really hard before taking on new responsibilities” and “It’s important to show consideration for the needs of the people with whom you share a living space” than lessons like “It’s okay for people to demand your absolute obedience so long as you’re dependent on them for survival.”

TRUTH

Also worth knowing: training your child to accept arbitrary ‘reasons’ for obedience like ‘because I said so’ and ‘my house my rules’ etc trains them to be more susceptible to peer pressure because in their mind, when someone who is at all an authority (older than them, bigger than them, more impressive than them, more confident than them) demands something, they should accept it and not think about it critically.

Let them ask why, and give them a real reason. If not, don’t be surprised when they fall for lots of bullshit when they are older. You’re the one that made them believe ‘BECAUSE’ was reason enough.

Or, when you have kids and you’re not getting equal child-rearing from your partner and you’re still working a job as well as doing the lion’s share of parenting and domestic work and your third kid says “but why” for the 84 millionth time without understanding one bit of what you’ve explained, feel free to say “my house my rules.”

My mum gave us critical thinking tools and all the information as well as that exact statement when it was time to put up her boundaries and it was just fine.

Or try “I told you my reasons for this multiple times now, and this isn’t up for debate. I’m going to stand by my decision.”

Because that’s telling your child that they should cooperate with you because you’re providing them reasons to (whether they like/agree with those reasons or not), and over time, will encourage them to think of reasons on their own rather than relying on someone telling them what to do/not do. It also conveys that your authority derives not from your dominion over their well-being, but from the fact that you have a greater understanding of things & more wisdom.