1st Violins:
2nd Violins:
Violas:
Cellos:
Basses:
Flutes:
Piccolo:
Clarinets:
Oboes:
English horn:
Bassoons:
Trumpets:
French horns:
Trombones:
Tubas:
Percussion:
Conductor:
THIS IS WAY TOO ACCURATE OMG
Tag: symphony
I hope there’s a lot of overlap between the Mean Girls and classical music fandom.
“oh my god karen you can’t just ask people why they’re violists”
“FOUR FOR YOU GLENN GOULD YOU GO GLENN GOULD”
“is reed shavings a carb”
“Cage stop trying to make *4’33* happen. It’s not going to happen!”
“what’s your bow made of?”
“your mom’s chesthair!!”
“Why should Mozart just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Salieri is just as cute as Mozart, right? Salieri is just as smart as Mozart, people totally like Salieri just as much as they like Mozart, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody? Because that’s not what Vienna is about! We should totally just STAB MOZART!”
“On Wednesdays we wear concert blacks!”
“And on the third day God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so man could shoot the dinosaurs…and the out of tune piccolo”
“I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she’d look like a saxophone player”
“SHE DOESN’T EVEN PLAY HERE”
What the actual fuck
i really like this shirt if anyone wants to get me something for my birthday
when you see someone holding their bow by the hair
Orchestra Conductors
To 1st violins: GET THAT HIGH E IN TONE AND STOP MESSING UP
To 2nd Violins: STOP GETTING LOST AND PLAY LOUDER
To Violas: GOD DAMMIT VIOLAS STAY TOGETHER AND STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME PULL MY EARS OUT
To cellos: That sounds beautiful BUT PLAY BOLDER
To basses: Wait…. we have basses?
When your section leader makes a wrong entrance
When you’re the section leader
When the whole section comes in wrong
When the conductor brings you in wrong
When you flub your entry but still manage to recover
When someone else flubs their entrance
When you have your entry clearly marked with a neon highlighter and you still mess it up
When you finally get that entry you always mess up
When everybody messes it up except you
When you mess up but no one notices
When the conductor stops everyone because you messed it up
When the conductor stops everyone because one person messed up
When you miss your entry but the conductor doesn’t stop
When you forget to count rests and lose your place in the music
When the second violins keep messing up the same part for 20 minutes
When people obviously haven’t looked at their part before the rehearsal
When everybody acts like they practiced it but they bomb the rehearsal
When someone says they practised it but you know they haven’t
When you go to turn the page but crash your scroll into the stand, drop the music, and stab your partner with your bow
When you do that in a super quiet part of the piece and so everyone notices (bonus points if it’s in a concert)
When your shoulder rest falls off for the 5th time in a single rehearsal
When your bow hasn’t got enough rosin so it’s just sliding everywhere
When you can’t get that A in tune
When your pegs keep slipping so you end up having to spend half an hour actually tuning your instrument
When you’re reading your part for the first time and it says “Solo”
When the part isn’t marked as a solo but everybody else stops and it’s just your section left playing
When you’re tacet
When you’re a string player so you’re never tacet
When the soloist has a cadenza
When you mess up your cadenza
short musician horror story
auditions
Sometimes I feel like Mozart is the only composer with any sense of LIFE and HOW TO USE IT.
IS THAT WHY THAT ARIA IS SO ABSURD
I LITERALLY WROTE A PAPER ON IT AND USED THE PHRASE “The tessitura, or lack thereof…”
Now this is the musical shade I came to see.
Underappreciated German Words
Today: Vorführeffekt, der (n.)
That moment when something that always works suddenly goes wrong the moment you want to show it to someone.
Me at Symphony practice, basically.
CaptainBubblebath 